Types of Friendships: Life Council

We all want that feeling of belonging. Growing up, I often didn’t make friends easily. I didn’t attract friendships organically and it certainly required more effort. Even in friendship circles, I still found myself feeling left out. Over the years, I’ve learned to cherish the individual and intimate friendships I do have and reflected on how my previous friendships have helped me grow. Having a diverse and supportive circle of friends is essential for everyone. After reading “The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs“¹ I was able to reflect on the many past, present and hopefully future friendships in my life.

The author, Laura Tremaine, first starts off by explaining her analogy of a Life Council. “An advisory board of friends, much like a business or organization has an advisory board of professionals”² The book encompasses the idea that your friendships will look different with each person. Like a board, each person may have an area of specialization within the organization- each friend will bring unique value into your life. Here are the 10 different friendships that the author categorizes within her life experiences that you may resonate with, within your personal relationships.

1. The Daily Duty Friend: Someone who is a part of your regular everyday life. The person who knows your daily life, your days off, and how you take your coffee. This friend is present regularly. Much like the author’s story, my first daily duty friendship started in high school- where we would see each other every day for five days a week, have the same subjects and schoolmates and do this week after week, year after year. My daily duty friend was stuck with me until high school until we went off to separate universities. For two people living a part- we remained pretty close to the point where I would still call her my daily duty friend. But once schedules changed and I began to work and she continued her own endeavors, my once daily duty friend became more distant. Something to keep in mind is that sometimes these roles remain empty for seasons. This role may be filled by another friend I have yet to meet and that is an exciting thought itself. But until then, savor your other friendships and appreciate the friendships you had that once filled this role.
2. The Old Friend: Friends who have been a part of your life for a long period of time and who have seen you go through different stages whether it be a new relationship, new job, bad fashion choices etc. The person who has seen the good and bad growing up and the different versions of you during your developing phases. This person knows you deeply even if they don’t know the everyday. Your relationship stems from the history you share between yourselves. Although I can think of a few- my most prominent old friend was a friend I quite literally grew up with having lived in the same house. Growing up together, spending summer vacations together- we were inseparable. Her family eventually picked up their lives and moved across the country, but over the last 15 years, we remain connected.
3. Business Bestie: Aka your work bestie. This person doesn’t have to be involved in your personal life, but is your go to person at work or your professional life. Experiencing a work life in my opinion without a work friend can feel pretty lonely. Someone to have lunch with, vent to and simply get through the work week with.
4. The Fellow Obsessive: This is a friend that shares a similar interest as you with great passion. I take obsession lightly but this can look like bonding over the same interest- be it a hobby, tv show, author etc. This may seem silly or less important compared to your other friendships but really, this friendship is special in the way that you can connect over something light hearted. This can be something that can help you de-stress from everyday life.
5. Battle Buddy: The friend that helps you overcome and endure a hard season. Whether the season be a few days or a few years- this person is someone to vent to and confide in, who understands what you’re going through. There may not be much else in common between you other than the hard thing but that’s what you can relate to where others may not understand.
6. The Yes Friend: The friend who is always ready for an adventure- a friend that comes with enthusiasm and excitement for life. A friend who follows through with plans and actions. Its easy to say “we should do this again sometime,” or “let’s grab coffee one day,” but a Yes Friends will make sure the plan happens and may very well start planning it then and there. Although I know I’m not a Yes Friend myself, I intend to take inspiration from this type of person. I’ve been known for last minute cancellations and often require much planning ahead when it comes to hanging out with friends. I could use some spontaneity and could become more available to friends- especially to that friend who is going through a rough and challenging time. Who do you need to be a Yes Friend to right now?
7. Mentor: Someone whether formally or informally, who regularly offers advice pertaining to an area of your life. This could be professionally, personally, spiritually etc. Although a mentor might not always be considered a friend and more of a formal relationship- you might discover that there is someone in your life that may fall into another category but also act as an informal mentor. There are a few people in my life that come to mind who have informally mentored me on their daily disciplines and spiritual walks simply through candid conversations. This is no formal mentorship but I’m thankful to have these individuals in my life council.
8. The Password Protector: This friend is a deeply trusted individual. This can quite literally mean someone who has your passwords to social media, the keys to your house. This is someone that you know you can count on when it comes to personal emergencies where they would need access whether it be to your home or digitally.
9. The New Friend: I like how the author mentions in this chapter of the book that ‘while long-term friendships can keep you grounded and remind you of where you came from, new relationships can shine light on who you are now and how far you’ve come.”³ Making new friends isn’t always easy, especially in adulthood. Check out my latest post on “How to Make Friends in Adulthood.” New friendships can offer so much joy in learning about someone and adding adventure and newness into the mundane of life.
10. The Soul Sister: This is the friendship that you know will last a lifetime. The friend that you will indefinitely go to for anything and everything- the minor life updates, the one to celebrate big with, the one who knows you unlike many others, the friendship that will last no matter how much time has passed. I think this friend is a good combination of many of these roles already discussed. The friend that come to mind is a friendship that spans 10+ years, starting from elementary days. This is a friend where we grew together- our personalities, styles, interests. This is a friend that you can talk endlessly to but also sit in complete silence with. This is a friend who knows what you’re thinking simply with an exchange of looks. Our friendship has since shifted slightly due to distance and differing life seasons, but no matter how much time passes- I think we could easily pick up where we left off.

The Empty Chair: This seat on the Life Council is not actually a friendship role. This is more of a memorial chair. The author talks about how the end of friendships is not often talked about. Friendships that end due to conflict or simply drifting can be painful and something that is mourned. This chair remembers the friendship(s) you once had and/or can represent future friendships to come. When friendships end because of our actions, its important to acknowledge and reflect on the relationship. What did you do wrong and how can you become a better friend because it? I can look back quite a long time ago where my once best friend and I drifted. It was a combination of change in personality, change in circumstances and simply gaining new friendships. But this friend played a huge role in creating a friendship that offered so much joy and laughter. Quickly we became so comfortable with each other, sharing inside jokes and simply finding joy in each other’s company. The friendship took a turn when we found ourselves in different classes and created new and closer friendships. And while I was distracted with my new friendships, I think she was left hurt. A few years later we found ourselves in the same class in high school. We never really became friends again but we both found closure. This was a pivotal lesson in my life in becoming a friend that is weary of how my actions and decisions can impact my close friendships.

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The point of this book the author highlights is not to count the number of friends you have but to evaluate and appreciate the friendships you’ve had and currently have, and welcome the new friendships to come. Take some time this week to recognize the value your friendships bring you and to take stalk of what kind of friend you are to others.

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¹ Laura Tremaine, The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs (Zondervan Books, 2023)

² Ibid, 7.

³ Ibid, 131.