Being a good friend requires more thought and effort than simply spending time with your friend once in a while. It took me some time to discover that I actually wasn’t always a great friend. I looked forward to hang out with my friends, catch up with them, and try new things together. However, I never actually initiated the plans and it wasn’t often that I was reaching out to them in between our hang outs. Just as we cultivate habits for personal growth, we must also adopt habits that enrich our connections with friends. In this blog post, we’ll explore 6 transformative habits that can help you build and strengthen your friendships.
1. Active listening and following-up
Active listening is vital to any relationship. Making the person feel heard and reaffirm that you are listening. When something is weighing heavy on my heart, or I had a hard day or when I have a big presentation coming up at work- I want to tell my friends about it. Support and encouragement is important to reciprocate in a friendship and demonstrates you’re listening.
2. Support and Encouragement
What’s even more important is the follow-up. This is something I’m not very good at but certainly am working on to be more intentional. But when a friend does tell you that they are stressed out about their upcoming presentation- let them know that you are cheering them on. Shoot them a quick message the morning of the presentation letting them know you are thinking about them. Or follow-up next week after the presentation to see how it went. Check-in on your friend to show them that you care, and you are cheering them on. I have a friend who does this well. She remembers the smallest details mentioned in previous conversations and follows up once specific things to encourage me. Although I do try to listen attentively to friends when they speak, it can be hard for me to remember what they have coming up. I want to be more intentional about following up with my friends so I’ve started a habit of jotting things down in my phone under each friends name and adding their big life events to my calendar. This serves as a great reminder to message them and let them know I’m thinking about them. It’s also a great way to pray over our friends and the things going on in their lives.
3. Celebrate them well
When your friend hits a milestone, celebrate them well! This doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture but can be small yet meaningful. Like when your friend gets a new job, you can buy them flowers or take them out to dinner. Celebrating a friend is even more important when they get something you’ve been waiting for. There was a girl who had to help plan her friend’s engagement just after she had gone through a tough break-up. This was true celebration in the midst of hardship. Celebrate your friend well- in a way that you would want them to celebrate you, because your time will come.
4. Consistency
Establish how often and after every meet-up, set up a future date and change as needed. Calendars book quickly! You might see a friend this week and the common saying after catching up is ” we should so this again soon.” Easier said than done and soon enough it’s been more than 3 months since you’ve seen each other. My Aunt and I had started going on walks regularly and it became regular because she’d implemented a habit of scheduling the next walk right away. This served as a placeholder in our calendars and as the day approached, we would confirm or change as needed.
5. Communication between in-person visit
Stay connected with your friends. You don’t have to wait till the next time you see each other to hear about their big date or first day on the job. Check-in with friends regularly to see how their lives are going. This may even spark an impromptu and much needed plan to catch-up over dinner. Stay connected through various communication channels such as texting, calling, social media, and video chats. Different platforms offer different ways to stay in-touch.
When life gets busy or hard, I often step back and isolate myself from others. I stop communicating and keep to myself. Often, this can lead to my friends thinking that I’m upset with them or even that I want to distance myself. It can be harmful to relationships. Communication is important to maintain in friendships. Especially in-between seeing your friends, it’s important to simply voice how you’re feeling or that you may be less available since you’re going through a tough time. This may even prompt your friends to visit you which often helps when you’re going through a challenging time. The takeaway here is to communicate openly (even when you don’t feel like it), to avoid miscommunication.
6. Try something new
When hanging out with your friends try to switch it up! Try a new activity or hobby together the catch-up while having fun. Go go a walk, try a new restaurant or a new hobby!
Friendships are so vital for our emotional and mental health. Friends are true gifts, to surround yourself with people who love you, support you and are constantly in your corner through your ups and downs in life and you them. Be intentional about nurturing and building your relationships by building habits to strengthen your connections.
I thought of the many visits you and your sister made during a season when I wasn’t able to walk or do much. You and your parents and sisters are great role models for friendship.